This is one of my favourite songs.
Camar yg Pulang By Siti Nurhaliza.

To: Chip Beruang

Heard that someone cried @ work.
I was quite surprised to hear the story from my sidekick.
So how now Chip Beruang?
We got an addition to the Bear family izit?

Is he confused?

Juz hanged up the phone wif BF.
I think the situation wif my parents is somehow getting into his head, but he's not admitting it.
I can feel it.
Girls feels these things coming. Its a thing called vibe.
And when the vibe's not good, we all get tensioned up and suspects negative things would happen before it even happens. And I certainly can feel my vibe blinking loud and clear up in my head. I dun feel good.
He's not confident about us. Me being Paranoid? Mebe. How can one not feel paranoid being in my situation? My parents does not allow us to be together. If I was in my BF's position, I sure would feel less confident to be in the relationship any longer.
Sure, there's hope that the situation will change in the future.
But hopes doesn't always get fulfilled.
And I think he's waiting for the right time to back off.
Or mebe, waiting for me to let him go.
I'm not sure... seriously. But the vibe's still not good.
He can keep denying all he wants.
He can say many I love yous to me.
But I'll still stand true to my vibe...
And be prepared for anything that might happen unexpectedly in the future.
But... the truth is, I'm still not prepared to let him go..
In case I need to.
And if I do, it's not cuz I listened to my parents advice...
It's because I sacrificed my own happiness to make them happy.

Sad news.. I failed Prac 6.

All of them in my group failed, even the guy who came back for the 3rd time. Surprisingly, all of them in the other group under different instructors, passed. Just not my day today. Could have passed Sector 2, but the instructor in my opinion, was very "berat sebelah". I asked him, how come he didn't chop for my pedestrian crossing. He just said... if I passed Sector 2, then he can chop both cuz it comes together, like in a package. But what I dun understand... how come one of the guys gets a chop for his pedestrian crossing, but also fails Sector 2? To my understanding, I thought the instructor said I have to pass both tests in Sector 2 in order to get both tests chopped. But the way he explained it to me, its like.... he sounds very biased and chauvinistic . He didn't even explained to me what was my mistake at the pedestrian crossing. He didn't try to make me understand why I didn't get a chop for that. I shall not name the instructor for confidentiality's sake. But let's just say he's been working in BBDC for 7 yrs. If you come across him.... slamatlah...

I've booked for this wednesday. Hopefully he's not in-charge of my group again. Joana also only passed Sector 1.. and I think she was assigned to the same instructor as me.

I'm just grateful that even though I failed, BF still encourages me to book for the next prac and hopes I do well. Everyone, pray for my safety and skills on the road k? Love u guys *muax*

Sick

Thanks to Syah's virus, I've got a dreadful sore throat for 2 days now...

I feel so terrible. BF said my voice very kasar. And it's all your fault, Ms Beruang.

And worst still.. tonight I've got road training. Dunno can make it anot cuz I feel quite drowsy.

I had a very wierd dream today though...

In my dream, I was late for my attachment @ Pasir Ris.

Then in the midst of rushing to work with my cuzen,

I forgot to wear my bra... Hehe...

Then my dad fetched under my block and he was giving me a wierd look.

My cuzen too.

Then I realized... I was half naked!

Immediately my body glowed red and I covered my boobs with my hands.

Then @ Tampines Interchange, my dad dropped me far away from the shopping centre

So my cuzen and I had to run all the way to the shopping centre with half of my hand on my boobs.

I tell ya... it was so damn embarrasing..

Then as I was running around like a frantic person to a bra section,

my mum said.. "Ani, dah kol rape nie nak gi skolah?"...

Shit.

Hope the dream will continue tonight.

Heh.

Unusual Sighting

Who says Aladin only travels by magic carpet? Hehe ;p

Photo courtesy of my Beruang Sidekick, Syah.

Beruangs night out!

Today's post shall be short n sweet...

Had Genes test @ school @ 5pm juz now,
Then headed to town wif Syah...
Ate @ Cahaya...Ate our favourite Sotong Char Kway!
Then looked around for charm necklaces & shoes but all mahal2...
Then went to Tangs, bought our bags! So cheap & chic! Cheyyy... :)
Then walked ard like crazy beruangs...
Spotted an abundance of inter-racial relationships,
Wished we were like them...
Talked about going out dating wif Malay guys @ Coffeeshops...
Spotted some good ol' frens along the way,
OooOOgling @ choc & cheese cakes in the display windows,
Talked about our angan2 to hang out with the Equinox gang @ The Balcony...
Made some people smile with our spontaneous kwang kwang kwangs... :p
Getting seriously high from consuming orange juice...
Spotted a girl with a STUPID tee...
And getting free entertainment from a cute dancing young kid...

And to my beruang sidekick...
U broke our promise.
We're supposed to go to House of Japan, remember?
Heh. :p

Feeling down

I feel like a mixed-up cocktail ryte now...

I dunno how to describe this situation of mine, but I'll try...

Mum was angry at me in the morning cuz of wanting to overnyte @ BF's house last night. She said pretty harsh words to me.. but I just kept quiet because if I open up my mouth, I know she won't like what I'll say. And definitely, the words I'm gonna say, r not nice. Then I called up BF.. and we chatted for awhile. And as emotional as ladies are... I started pouring out to him wats been happening lately...

Both my parents now doesn't like the fact that I'm in a r/s with him. I tot my mum was OK about it.. I mean during Hari Raya when BF visited our house, mum didn't scold him or aniting. In fact, she chatted with him throughout the whole session. There wasn't any sign of disapprovement. But then..... on that same night, she told my dad that BF visited our house and that I went out wif BF on his bike to jalan rayer with his frens. My dad obviously became SO outraged! He said to me that he doesn't like me to be with my own cuzen or relatives. It means that he dissapproves of our r/s just because we r relatives. Die tak merestui perhubungan kita... U noe... I was so sad when he said that. And mum... I tot she could back me up... but turns out... she also can't decide who to side with. But from her reactions, I could tell... she will go with whatever dad says. So from then onwards... she keeps reminding me each and every time that dad doesn't want to c me wif him anymore. If he does, he wants to go to BFs house and confront BF and his parents. I was like.... WTF?!?

And today morning... she told me over and over again that I had one yr more to study and asked me to fulfill Dad's wishes of being able to see me succeed and hold that damn certificate with that damn blue cloak around me as I stand on that damn blardy stage during graduation. I noe that if she didn't shut up any sooner, I would blast off at her. But... I just kept quiet and be patient. And she did shut up eventually. I wanted to retort back at her.... SHE wants ME to fulfill DADS wishes?? Hello... since when did dad EVER in his whole damn blardy life EVER fulfilled my wishes?? EVER made me feel happy without interfering into my own personal space, my personal damn blardy life?? Since when?? Since when did dad EVER welcomed any guys or any friends for that matter with big arms wide open and a smile upon his old face?? NEVER! ok mum... NEVER! And u guys might say... hey, he's ur dad.. and he sacrificed working day and night to feed u... what's up with being so quantifiable with happiness and blah blah blah...? Many people doesn't know that I didn't grow up with my dad. My mum was the one who fed me. She worked hard to feed me and send my bros for child care. And she paid all those with her own hard work and money. Dad? Well... let's say he was pretty occupied with his 1st wife. Romancing day and night like rabbits. If dad weren't to pop into my life 12 yrs ago, Mum would still be working now and would still be able to feed me and my bros without his help. Sorry to say this... but he is an unideal father. Yes, he may score As in working and getting money to feed us now... but in terms of providing happiness and tender loving care to the family, he's a failure. All he thinks of me is that I need to study, study, study and listen to whatever he says. And his advices aren't all good. They may be according to religious rules, but not practical enough to be incorporated into today's generation context.

Yes, I do know that religiously the Quran states that girls cannot mingle with guys before marriage cuz its considered haram. In Malaysia, u can be caught for close proximity in what they call ' tangkap khalwat' .. and be forced to enter into marriage. But hey... it's all up to the individuals. Even dad can't resist 'being together' with his 1st wife even before marriage. It's like so common nowadays seeing teenagers oogling up each other's underwears and get pregnant b4 marriage. But... I'm not to that extreme. I dun c why the P-units should include religion and blah blah into our conversation. Religion provides a set of rules you have to follow. And I dun think even the most religious of people would follow each and every rules there is every single second of the day. I dun think HE follows it either. What wif talking and sitting and mingling around with Batam gerls @ Geylang's Banquet every other day during lunch break. Diri sendiri dah tak betol, nak advise org. He thinks I don't know his moves... but I've got my own reporters also.

And mum... haiz I can't even tell her ANYTHING! She doesn't know what to think! She doesn't have her own stand at all! Even BF thinks so. Know why? Cuz when I'm going out with BF, I tell her about it but she just asks me to be careful to ensure that we dun mit up wif Dad on the way back home.. or be careful when he's riding the bike. But she didn't even try to like prevent me from going to meet him. Then the next moment.... like just now, she accused me of lying to her about my relationship with BF lah... and insisting to listen to my dad's advice lah... and the most painful is that she said usually "Perigi cari timba... nie timba cari perigi". I was damn sad lah... cuz she's so ignorant about my relationship with him, and she accuses me of all sorts of things. Bf's mum was the one who really insisted to have me stay overnyte at her house. I was reluctant at 1st but was OK with it, provided that mum approves. Then now... haiz.. I dun even noe how to say anymore. At one moment, she says that I'm big enough already.. and at the next, she tries to control my life by reminding me of my dad's threats to me...

And BF... even before losing him, I already feel like I'm losing him already. And the feeling hurts so bad. It's not like I'll die if I'm not together with him anymore... I'll still live.. but the thing is that it wouldn't feel the same anymore. This guy. He opens up my eyes alot... he gives me many advices that really wakes me up, makes me reflect on what I've done in my past... makes me realize how my parents are treating me. And most of what he says are actually true. When I think about it.. sit and reflect upon what he's said... its actually quite true...

He even said that... one day I'll be with someone... but that someone would not be him. He can feel it. Because of how my parents are reacting towards our relationship now... he feels like... in the future we can't be together. But.. I'm willing to hold on, and he is too... Cuz he says that Love's like an ambition. It takes years to build on upon the strength of that love.

And after typing all these... I still feel like a mixed-up cocktail.

Sorry guys to have revealed so much personal events here.

It's the only way.

Cuz Mum & Dad won't listen.

And cuz friends have their own problems too....

BF kena xcident

BF kena xcident.

I juz came back from his house. His right palm was fractured & had to be cemented.
I think the doc is gonna insert like a piece of metal into his palm once its healed abit.
Was given 2 weeks MC... and I hope he stays @ home & rest. N I mean a good rest... not emerging after 2 weeks of MC & having a Winnie the Pooh tummy. Tats like... larger than life. Heh.

Aniwaes, I pitied his condition coz no work= no $$. But @ the same time, I'm equally frustrated cuz he didn't told me he was involved in an xcident. Eqa had to pass the news to me cuz she had an attachment @ Changi Hospital & happened to push my BF sitting in a wheelchair. If it hadn't been for her, I wouldn't have known ti'll now cuz my BF is soOoOO secretive about everything. Some people say it's good that he doesn't wanna tell cuz it means he doesn't want to make me worry. But hey... think about it.. I'm his cuzen AND his GF. It's not like I just knew him or someting. We've been together for over a yr now. So, I don't c the idea of keeping everything to himself. What if his condition was more worse than having a palm fracture? Urrrghh.. I don't even wanna go thinkin' way beyond that... Lucky for him he was riding his office's bike. I'm sure he'll be pulling his hair off if he was riding his own bike just now...

Many of his friends came over to visit him... and most of them I didn't know & haven't met. Had to help his mum make drinks for them, serve food... blah blah.. the usual procedures lah. Then while BF layan all his frens in his room, his mum asked me to watch movies with her.. She's so sweet lah... dunno wat else to describe.. summore ask me to stay overnyte to look after my BF. Muahaha... and we tok and tok and tok and watch movies and eat the foods bought by BF's frens. Like Hari Raya gathering... Hehe... Too bad lah... my mum not sporting... asked for her permission, and she keeps reminding me that Daddy will blast off if he knew about it. C'mon lah.. if mum doesn't tell Dad aniting, he won't know what. Small issues like this also kenot bohong sunat. It's not like I'm gonna overnyte wif BF alone in a deep dark isolated forest where he's gonna attack me @ any time. His parents & sister is there what... I think Mum needs to take up an "Understanding Daughter's Needs" module.

Klah.. Arin needs to sleep.
Gdnyte my dear online diary.
May u rest in pieces. Heh ;p

Happy 1st March!

Ok... finally completed the Contracts Admin assignment. E-mailed Anh bout 5 mins ago.. hope she finishes it by this Sat, or else John will keep calling me again. Hehe...

I forgot to mention that on the way home in bus 188 juz now, I saw my neighbour Junaide with his new girlfren. She lives in Bukit Gombak area also. Was surprised to see him in the bus cuz usually he rides a bike. I guess he must be waiting for the ryte tyme to buy his vespa. His GF looks nice and pretty. Luckily not like some ladies who would get so upset if their guy talks with another girl. If my BF talks to another girl in more than an affectionate way than he talks to me... I'll definitely do something about it.... Muahhahahaha besok siap lah ko aku kerjakan atas katil haha.. :p *OoOoOOpPpzZz* hehe Juz Kidding... Mebe kasi die dua tiga kali smackdown ngan bantal kat kepala die biarkan die 'wake up' sikit... pastu baru kerjakan die muahahha... (Hopefully he does not find out bout this blog.. If not mesti kene nye ngan die hehe..)

Klah i crave for my sleep now.. If not I'll think about super senseless thoughts @ the wee hours of 1st March. K dada~ Gdnyte.. sleep tyte.. Dun fart, U retard! Hehe ;p