I feel like a mixed-up cocktail ryte now...
I dunno how to describe this situation of mine, but I'll try...
Mum was angry at me in the morning cuz of wanting to overnyte @ BF's house last night. She said pretty harsh words to me.. but I just kept quiet because if I open up my mouth, I know she won't like what I'll say. And definitely, the words I'm gonna say, r not nice. Then I called up BF.. and we chatted for awhile. And as emotional as ladies are... I started pouring out to him wats been happening lately...
Both my parents now doesn't like the fact that I'm in a r/s with him. I tot my mum was OK about it.. I mean during Hari Raya when BF visited our house, mum didn't scold him or aniting. In fact, she chatted with him throughout the whole session. There wasn't any sign of disapprovement. But then..... on that same night, she told my dad that BF visited our house and that I went out wif BF on his bike to jalan rayer with his frens. My dad obviously became SO outraged! He said to me that he doesn't like me to be with my own cuzen or relatives. It means that he dissapproves of our r/s just because we r relatives. Die tak merestui perhubungan kita... U noe... I was so sad when he said that. And mum... I tot she could back me up... but turns out... she also can't decide who to side with. But from her reactions, I could tell... she will go with whatever dad says. So from then onwards... she keeps reminding me each and every time that dad doesn't want to c me wif him anymore. If he does, he wants to go to BFs house and confront BF and his parents. I was like.... WTF?!?
And today morning... she told me over and over again that I had one yr more to study and asked me to fulfill Dad's wishes of being able to see me succeed and hold that damn certificate with that damn blue cloak around me as I stand on that damn blardy stage during graduation. I noe that if she didn't shut up any sooner, I would blast off at her. But... I just kept quiet and be patient. And she did shut up eventually. I wanted to retort back at her.... SHE wants ME to fulfill DADS wishes?? Hello... since when did dad EVER in his whole damn blardy life EVER fulfilled my wishes?? EVER made me feel happy without interfering into my own personal space, my personal damn blardy life?? Since when?? Since when did dad EVER welcomed any guys or any friends for that matter with big arms wide open and a smile upon his old face?? NEVER! ok mum... NEVER! And u guys might say... hey, he's ur dad.. and he sacrificed working day and night to feed u... what's up with being so quantifiable with happiness and blah blah blah...? Many people doesn't know that I didn't grow up with my dad. My mum was the one who fed me. She worked hard to feed me and send my bros for child care. And she paid all those with her own hard work and money. Dad? Well... let's say he was pretty occupied with his 1st wife. Romancing day and night like rabbits. If dad weren't to pop into my life 12 yrs ago, Mum would still be working now and would still be able to feed me and my bros without his help. Sorry to say this... but he is an unideal father. Yes, he may score As in working and getting money to feed us now... but in terms of providing happiness and tender loving care to the family, he's a failure. All he thinks of me is that I need to study, study, study and listen to whatever he says. And his advices aren't all good. They may be according to religious rules, but not practical enough to be incorporated into today's generation context.
Yes, I do know that religiously the Quran states that girls cannot mingle with guys before marriage cuz its considered haram. In Malaysia, u can be caught for close proximity in what they call ' tangkap khalwat' .. and be forced to enter into marriage. But hey... it's all up to the individuals. Even dad can't resist 'being together' with his 1st wife even before marriage. It's like so common nowadays seeing teenagers oogling up each other's underwears and get pregnant b4 marriage. But... I'm not to that extreme. I dun c why the P-units should include religion and blah blah into our conversation. Religion provides a set of rules you have to follow. And I dun think even the most religious of people would follow each and every rules there is every single second of the day. I dun think HE follows it either. What wif talking and sitting and mingling around with Batam gerls @ Geylang's Banquet every other day during lunch break. Diri sendiri dah tak betol, nak advise org. He thinks I don't know his moves... but I've got my own reporters also.
And mum... haiz I can't even tell her ANYTHING! She doesn't know what to think! She doesn't have her own stand at all! Even BF thinks so. Know why? Cuz when I'm going out with BF, I tell her about it but she just asks me to be careful to ensure that we dun mit up wif Dad on the way back home.. or be careful when he's riding the bike. But she didn't even try to like prevent me from going to meet him. Then the next moment.... like just now, she accused me of lying to her about my relationship with BF lah... and insisting to listen to my dad's advice lah... and the most painful is that she said usually "Perigi cari timba... nie timba cari perigi". I was damn sad lah... cuz she's so ignorant about my relationship with him, and she accuses me of all sorts of things. Bf's mum was the one who really insisted to have me stay overnyte at her house. I was reluctant at 1st but was OK with it, provided that mum approves. Then now... haiz.. I dun even noe how to say anymore. At one moment, she says that I'm big enough already.. and at the next, she tries to control my life by reminding me of my dad's threats to me...
And BF... even before losing him, I already feel like I'm losing him already. And the feeling hurts so bad. It's not like I'll die if I'm not together with him anymore... I'll still live.. but the thing is that it wouldn't feel the same anymore. This guy. He opens up my eyes alot... he gives me many advices that really wakes me up, makes me reflect on what I've done in my past... makes me realize how my parents are treating me. And most of what he says are actually true. When I think about it.. sit and reflect upon what he's said... its actually quite true...
He even said that... one day I'll be with someone... but that someone would not be him. He can feel it. Because of how my parents are reacting towards our relationship now... he feels like... in the future we can't be together. But.. I'm willing to hold on, and he is too... Cuz he says that Love's like an ambition. It takes years to build on upon the strength of that love.
And after typing all these... I still feel like a mixed-up cocktail.
Sorry guys to have revealed so much personal events here.
It's the only way.
Cuz Mum & Dad won't listen.
And cuz friends have their own problems too....
Kak Ayu cutting her Choc Praline cake.
"Happie Bdae to eeyewww~
uS njoying the array of deserts @ the buffet line.. Nie Maya.. Cicah Marshmallow ngan Choc lyke Makan ikan cencaru ngan kicap.. yum yum :p
Me n Syah: Definitely not our heads...
Now, let's compare who's stomach looks 2 mths pregnant....
Is it Arin?
No..... it must be Syah! Muahahaha :p
All thanks to.......
Loves it!
Judy with Janelle (top) and Connie (bottom) the SENIOR CITIZENS... :p
Then we sneek-peaked into Bar & Billiard room @ Raffles Hotel & took a quick pose @ the Fountain!
